The War Against Boys - Where Have all the Cowboys Gone???

I am pretty burned out.
Not because I am the Momma of a little boy but because I am the Momma of a little boy.
Allow me to explain...

If you get me going you'll be hard pressed to get me to shut up on the joys of being a Momma to a little boy (two little boys!).  It is so awesome and I love it!  (I'd have ten little boys.  The challenge is thrilling.)  You'll also be hard pressed to get me to shut up on the frustrations of being a Momma of a little boy and it's not because of the boy.

I am of the opinion that people, most people just don't "get" little boys these days.  I am of the strong opinion that anit-male feminism has corrupted our view of little boys and what they should be like.  Even sadder, I feel this anti-male feminism has pervaded our church and our families.


I am reading Christina Hoff-Sommers Book "The War Against Boys" so I have a lot of feelings up at the surface this evening.

Today so many... SO MANY little boys are drugged into submission and tranquility.  So many are wasting away in front of the television, Internet and video games.  So many are pumped full of sugar and then dumbed down on tranqs.  It's heartbreaking.  And almost all little boys are told to...
sit still,
don't hit,
be quiet,
don't run,
don't build,
don't shout,
don't fight,
don't get dirty
... did I say, "sit still."  Go to most homes, most church Sunday school rooms, most day care rooms and you will see a pile of safe, girly toys.  Nothing to jump off of, nothing to bash, crash. build and destroy.

This has been our families struggle in the last couple years.  We can clearly see that our son needs more room to be a boy - part of our desperate desire to get to a farm.  You should see him when he has room to "be".  He is a completely different child.

We live in a culture that is the advanced stages of beginning to find men completely disposable.  This culture seems to want to strip everything from men that makes them men, (and the same goes for little boys).  Today most men are so soft.  It's gross.  Their nice, safe and neutered.  And who needs men right?  Today women can earn tons of money, fight wars, shimmy up a fire(wo)man's ladder, heck... they can get pregnant without a man.  Men are to be soft, kind, polite... they can shake propper hands at church but when do they get to really cut loose... shoot a gun, shoot hoops, spar, drink a beer, act like they don't need a women around to tell them what to do???
I digress.  Sorry.  I do that on this topic...

Back to boys.  Let me give you a little reminder.  Boys are loud, aggressive, creative, destructive, curious... they eat A LOT, they shine flashlights in your eyes, they pester their little sisters, they want to wrestle, the bristle when you tell them to be careful, they don't want to be called "little", they long to know how strong they are, they want to be respected by their mothers and they want to feel like real men around their fathers.  You can tell them all day to be quiet, sit still and play nice but you might as well tell the sun not to shine.  Now, I am not excusing disrespectful or bad behavior... but sometimes I wonder how much we interperet as bad behavior because we too are a part of this brainwashed, overly feminine culture???  How might that behavior change if we were sure to give our little boys a chance to be BOYS.  How much of that "behavior" is because they feel like caged animals in our pretty, suburban houses and politically correct classrooms???
Where is Tom Sawyer with his pockets full of toads and his hilarious entrepreneurial white washing skills?  Where is Huck Finn and his risky raft?  Where is the worm and the fishing pole?  Where are the dirty bare feet?  Where are the cap gunns, the smoke bombs and dirt bikes?  Heck, where is John the Baptist... rockin' it out in the wilderness eating bugs and honey and skinning dead camels for his latest ensemble???

I am very wary of it all.  Probably to the point where I sometimes let my son get away with things he shouldn't because I get defensive when I think people think he should be behaving a certain way.  But I believe, we are paying for it as a culture... we want them to sit still and be quiet and then women complain when full grown men sit and play video games all night!
 Well, you wanted them to sit still didn't you???
I do fear for my son.  By the time he is a man I believe the popular consensus will be that he is totally dispensable as a man.  In the meantime I am trying to raise him to be a man.  Strong, courageous, Godly and dare I say... a bit wild.

Go on Man Cub.  Momma loves you.




To read all my "Cowboy" posts from the last couple years - CLICK HERE.

Where Have all the Cowboys Gone?

Honestly, Has this man ever held a beer before?

"Joplin where?"

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone for Christmas?

So it's been ages since I wrote about Men in America but I stumbled across this list by one of my favorite pastors and it got me to thinking... what if every man or let's say, every Believing man attacked the Holidays with this sort of intention and vigor... and I used the word "attacked" with on purpose because I think most men go on auto pilot at this time of year let the wife do everything from the gift selecting to memory making.  Men are to be conquerors and leaders but who ends up pushing the cart, making the plans, over committing herself, writing the cards, RSVPing to the parties, choosing the presents, picking which church service to attend... 

les femmes.

And I think that stinks.  

Now I know these things are more a woman's domain but I still think there is no excuse for men to go on auto pilot around Christmas just because Mom is more handy with calender and a roll of scotch tape... ask Mom December 15th what she needs more, an extra roll of scotch tape... or a scotch!  

I think leaving Christmas to the women feminizes church, family time, meal time, tradition and Jesus.

What if Christian woman walked around beaming at this time of the year (instead of looking like stressed out, frazzled, over committed disasters) because Hubby was at the helm actually guiding and leading his family thru these weeks we call "The Holidays."  

Just a thought.

From Pastor Mark:

1. Dad needs a plan for the holidays to ensure his family is loved and memories are made. Dad, what’s your plan?
2. Dad needs to ensure his family is giving generously during the holidays. Dad, who in need is your family going to adopt, bless, and serve?
3. Dad needs to carve out time for sacred events and experiences to buildfamily traditions that are fun and point to Jesus. Dad, is you calendar ready for December?
4. Dad needs to not let the stress of the holidays, including money, cause him to be grumpy with Mom or the kids. Dad, how’s your joy?
5. Dad needs to make memories and not just give gifts. Dad, what special memories can you make this holiday season?
6. Dad needs to manage the extended family and friends during the holidays. Dad, who or what do you need to say “no” to?
7. Dad needs to schedule a big Christmas date with his daughter(s). Dad, what’s your big plan for the fancy Daddy-daughter date?
8. Dad needs to schedule guy time with his son(s). Dad, what are you and your son(s) going to do that is active, outdoors, and fun?
9. Dad needs to help get the house decorated. Dad, are you really a big help to Mom with getting things ready?
10. Dad needs to ensure there are some holiday smells and sounds. Dad, is Christmas music on the iPod, is the tree up, can you smell cookies and cider?

Where Have all the Cowboys Gone?

In case you weren't around this morning - 1st, read the little post below this one. That's right. Deleted. But a miracle occured - I don't know how she did it but Shawna, a P.F. reader had found or saved the post and emailed me the text. I still can't believe it cause no matter where I turned in the history on the internet it said, "the page you are looking for does not exist" - well, it does now Blogger! Na, na, na, na boo, boo - one less thing for me to have a pregnancy melt down over.

Merci Shawna!!!! The comments that I didn't get to read are gone but ... Here it is, once again...

I am just setting aside the decorating, Christmas cheer type post to share something that I've been mulling over for a couple weeks-

Well, I am not going to make fans with my Feminist friends with this one. Let's agree to disagree if we have to but this subject has been weighing on my heart for a long time and it's not really the vein I was going to start with when I wanted to blog on the subject of the "lost cowboys"...but I have friends who are hurting and, well, this is just the way I see it.

Single motherhood. Now, unless completely chosen...oh boy...I feel the thin ice...unless completely chosen I can not think of many things sadder that could happen to a Mother.

I write this strictly upon observation.

I can think of two friends right now around here who are single Mom's thru divorce. Their lives have been turned upsides down by abusive, horrible husbands. The kind of "men" who want to emancipate themselves from their own children. Real jerks.

These ladies are struggling to survive. They are often at wits end. Frazzled, running to and fro, handling children who are hurt and angry and dying for male attention. Trying desperately to pay the bills, to keep old cars running, to be all things to all people, especially to their children and here is my question:

Where are their fathers?

No, not the dead beat looser x-husbands but the fathers of my friends? See, call me old fashioned, call me insane, but I am the kind of girl that thinks a lady needs some male "protection". That especially when she is a mother she is not designed to be out there fighting tooth and nail to survive in this world. I can hear the feminist's screaming now. Sorry, but that's just the way I see it. Yeah, there are some really strong women out there, hubby walks out and they pick up the slack, perhaps they have a killer job, perhaps they came into the marriage completely independent and capable - but not everyone does. Some get married young, some get married broke and are looking to team up with a man who can lead financially. I know the argument, the stupid "Oprah" argument - that men are for he most part evil, if they aren't today, they could be tomorrow, you never know what he is hiding from you, so keep a hidden checking account --- that it's because of dead beat husbands that women should always have a career to fall back on, always have their "own money", always be ready to take care of themselves.

What can I say, I disagree.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a man to provide while you stay home and take care of the children. My two friends even had profitable part time jobs that contributed to their household's bottom line - but alone, it's not enough.

Where are their Dads?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if their Dad's had protected them from these losers in the first place? (Wouldn't it be wonderful if upon the first offense Daddy took them "out back" and roughed 'em up a bit???) Perhaps they tried to protect them to begin with but decisions were made independent of Mom and Dad's blessing or wishes. But wouldn't this country be radically changed if Dad stepped in when Hubby walked out???

"Sweetie, this is going to be rough but you and the kid's need to move in for the next few years. The last thing you need is rent or a mortgage. The last thing you need is to have to discipline your angry sons and hurting daughters on your own. The last thing you need is to worry about an unreliable car ... Take this time as a gift from your Mom and I, you once were our responsibility, let us have the privilege of having that responsibility back while you get some counseling, go to school and pay off some of that debt that he left you with.

Even if I have to work two jobs, I want you to be taken care of. You've been hurt. I want you to get healed. I am your Dad, I am going to protect you, your heart and your children now until you think you can stand on your own two feet or until a Godly man comes along who wants to do the same.

Don't worry about it baby. It will be an honor."

Can you imagine? Now, I know, not everyone wants to move back in with Mom and Dad but, where HAVE all the cowboys gone? Where is the sense of duty to woman and daughters? And, for the most part, I am talking within the CHURCH as far as this post is concerned. Where is the sense of saving women from the turmoil and frazzled stress that comes with being a single mom?

And, OK, let's say Dad "can't" do it. I have a friend who these days, well, her dad would probably qualify for "can't." Where is the CHURCH anyways? Where is the serious attention to taking care of the widows and the orphans as Christ instructed? Forget building funds and new sound systems ... What sort of a testimony would WE be to the world if our vulnerable woman and children were cared for no matter what. If our single moms flourished instead of floundered? If Godly men would pursue them for marriage instead of treating them like lepers? Consider that Joseph married Mary ... a single Mom. He adopted Jesus. If only more men in the church had that sort of heart.

Imagine a church that FULLY embraced single moms. Mortgages and rent covered thru the offerings, car repairs made by mechanics in the congregation. Babysitting supplied by a teen in the church with a willing heart. Groceries provided not just when she is sitting at the pastors wives table crying into her hands but on a weekly basis as a way of simply taking care of her. Male mentor ship provided to the kids by the pastor and elders. Not on a sign up if you need it basis but on a "We are the church and this is our mission" basis.

I have not formulated all my thoughts on this but in these four walls the subject of men manning up and being men (in all areas) has been pretty prominent in the last year. It is an idea that if it took hold and grew like wildfire would be life changing for so many. (This is probably why we like Mark Driscoll's preaching so much) There are just so many examples in life of lives being ruined because men don't know how to or refuse to pony up and take on their responsibilities or God forbid, a few extra ones.

And where do we fit in? Hubby and I? We are as guilty I suppose as those I am going off about. What do we do to help my friends? Not much if anything I will confess. This realization has all come out in recent conversation ... I guess I just wanted to put it out there. I probably just opened a can of worms and should have my argument covered from all angles but whatever. Hopefully my heart is conveyed properly here and even the most raving feminist can see where I am coming from. I am just sick of seeing these ladies hurt, sick of hearing stories of their families and fathers playing a passive, "We're here for you if you need us" role in their lives. It's just one of the area's in society where one can ask,

"Where HAVE all the cowboys gone?"

More to come.